Have you ever showered the world with kindness, only to feel the cold shoulder of indifference in return? You're not alone, and it's time we address this disconnect. Join the Self Care Society family in a transformative discussion that turns the 'golden rule' on its head. We're rewriting the playbook on how to treat others and, crucially, ourselves. Lashanna Alfred dives deep into the personal and professional revelations that suggest it's high time we manage our expectations and set healthier boundaries.
Through a tapestry of insights and experiences, we explore the notion that creating a reciprocal world of kindness starts with how we first treat ourselves. If you've ever felt perplexed and pained when your generosity wasn't echoed, this episode is your guiding light. It's not just about being good to others; it's about embodying the virtues we value and recognizing when to draw the line. We unpack the idea that we teach others how to treat us by setting an example with our own self-respect and boundaries. There’s no need for a rulebook when it comes to genuine interactions and self-affirmation. Let's journey together into a space where our actions speak volumes about our inner values, and where we take control of our well-being—one empowered decision at a time.
Speaker 1:
Welcome to the Self Care Society podcast with your hosts Celia Williamson, ashley Kutcher, louis Guardiola and Carrie Shaw, a podcast devoted to those whose job it is to help others get or remain mentally, physically and emotionally healthy, but who also need to take care of themselves. How we're going to do this? By first showing you the filtered, pretty version of success, and then the real struggles, real work and raw grit it took to get there, how they took care of themselves and also achieved their goals while doing it Together. We will work with you to improve and maintain your internal health and growth, while helping you achieve your external goals and your next professional achievement in life. And we're excited to show you how to follow your own individual and unique path and achieve the dreams you have while taking good care of yourself. So let's get started.
Speaker 2:
Welcome back everyone to the Self Care Podcast. I am LaShanna Alfred and I am excited to share this episode with you on today. The title is I've Changed my Mind. I've Changed my Mind. I want you to notice what came up for you even as I shared the topic. What do I mean by I've changed my mind?
Speaker 2:
As I'm on my own personal journey, as I began to reflect over my life, there are some things that I believe to be true, or to have been true, right, and quickly notice that it wasn't true for me, where I am in life. One of those things is treat others how I would like to be treated. Now, don't get me wrong. Yes, we want to treat others good, right, but what I've noticed, even as a therapist a lot of individuals come into my office and they are experiencing anxiety, depression because of seemingly rejection or abandonment, because they believe that they have been treating others good right, with kindness, with love and compassion, but yet they have not been receiving that in return. And so I had to reflect in my own life and I'm like okay, they said that's the golden rule treat others how I would like to be treated. But what I realized I said I have to treat others right? Yes, based on who I am right. So I treat you with kindness because kindness is who I am. I treat you with love because love is who I am. These are characteristics that I hold true, and so if I'm treating you based on who I am, it's not based oh, please listen to this If I treat you based on who I am, it's not based on how you respond, because I'm treating you with compassion, with patience, with love, with friendliness, because that's what's in me. Now, my behavior shows others what's in me. Others behavior shows me what's in them, and so often we allow other people's behavior to be able to taint or change our character. And so I began to change how I looked at this what we call golden rule and I began to say wait, hold on. If it's true that we teach other people how to treat us, then A I have to treat myself with the love, the patience, the compassion which will flow to how I treat others, and then others will begin to treat me with love, compassion and patience, because they see that's how I treat myself. I need you to get this Really, really.
Speaker 2:
I'm coming to challenge that belief, because many of us are hurting ourselves based on a belief that may not necessarily be true. Right, it may not necessarily be true. So if you have a friend or a family member, every time they call you, you're right there. They ask for a ride, you're right there. They ask for money, you send it. You give it to them. Every time they ask you're right there, you're coming. You're dropping everything. Then, when you need something and you ask them and they say no, you're mad. A lot of times we're mad because we say wait, every time you call me, I'm coming. That's true. But also what's also true is they have not shown you that every time you call them, they're coming. So now we love feeling bitter, right. We love feeling angry, feeling frustrated, rejected all these other emotions that may not be there or necessary.
Speaker 2:
Think about it. If we truly teach others how to treat us right, then I have to begin to see how do I want others to treat me? Do I want others to respect my time? Do I want others to respect me? And how am I demonstrating that in my own life? Am I respecting my time? Am I respecting me? Because oftentimes we expect others to treat us better than we treat ourselves. Think about that. So when I say I've changed my mind. I change my mind about thinking that I'm supposed to always be there for everybody else while neglecting myself. I change my mind about thinking that others are going to treat me the way I treat them. No, they're going to treat me the way I treat me Because when I recognize my value, I'll be able to communicate it to those that are in my life and they will love me enough to not overstep those boundaries.
Speaker 2:
If you have people in your life, including children, that oversteps boundaries, don't get mad at them. Do self-reflection and say, or ask yourself this question have I been consistent with my own boundaries? Have I been consistent with my own boundaries If I say to my child, okay, when I tell you no, don't ask me again, then they ask me three more times and I give in and I give them the money, or I give them the ride or I give them whatever they requested. I'm not standing on my own boundaries. I cannot get upset with those that are around me because they want to make sure we were serious when we set a certain boundary. They want to make sure we're serious and it doesn't mean that they're trying to disrespect you or anything like that.
Speaker 2:
Humans are innately selfish, if you will. That's why, a lot of times, we forget about taking care of ourselves, because we don't want to be seen as selfish. When we're talking about self-care, again, I'm changing my mind about caring for me. It's not selfish because I choose to care for myself first. I have to make sure that oxygen mass is on myself first, so then I'm able to help those that are around me. I'm changing my mind about putting everybody first, everybody before me. I'm changing my mind about settling with this thing called life.
Speaker 2:
In this new year, I encourage you to visualize yourself in a better place spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. What does that look like to you? Don't compare yourself. How about this? I changed my mind about comparing myself to others. Don't compare yourself to anyone that you may be associated with, that you may have communicated with or watched on social media. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Your only competition is the you that you currently are and the you that you desire to be. So why don't you join me on this journey of changing our mind?
Speaker 2:
Changing our minds about things that keep us stuck, about things that have us down, depressed, anxious. Changing our minds about how we see ourselves. Right, we're going to change our minds about any negative belief, negative self-perception or self-image in order for us to move forward. So thank you for tuning in to this episode of the Self-Care Podcast. Remember, we're changing our mind concerning anything that does not serve a purpose in our lives. If you have a thought, a belief that's not going to get you to where you desire to be, I encourage you to change your mind. If you're with someone that does not treat you like you deserve to be treated, I encourage you to change your mind. If you're on a job that does not value what you're bringing to the organization, I encourage you to change your mind. So, hey, happy 2024. Thank you again for tuning in to the podcast, and I am Leshiana Alfred.
Speaker 1:
That concludes this week's episode. And remember, it's not selfish, it's self-care.